He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
