You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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