I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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