i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She's the barista slut.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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