Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They have beer where we have blood.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
