but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
