I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
