I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
