The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
