I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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