I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i will never coherently bang her
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
