I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
