I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize