I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
