Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
