it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
