Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We left the knife in your bed.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
