Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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