is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
