we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
