I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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