Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
