I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Me too!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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