I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
