She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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