I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
