I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
