Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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