I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
