peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Alive.
So much puke
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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