This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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