Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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