I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Randomize
