my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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