What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize