So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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