After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
