my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
