Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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