making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
