dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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