I'm eating all of the evidence.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
