I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
