You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
