A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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