I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
