have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
