I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
