Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
