My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
