I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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