just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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