My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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