I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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