So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
