sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
