Michael Bay diarrhea
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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