Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
