he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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