absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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