My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Damn victory sex feels great
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
