all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
