Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
