Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
