absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
