i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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