I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
