we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
