Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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