oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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